Day 8: Three Films

Three films... this is going to be tough.  I love movies!

1. "The Fall" - absolutely incredible movie.  It's so colorful and eye catching with a unique plot. Oh, and Lee Pace :)  If you haven't seen it, you're wrong!  You need to watch it ASAP :)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0460791/


2.  "Inception" - so interesting!

3.  "Spaceballs" - yes.  I can watch this movie over and over again and never get tired of it.  I have lost count of how many times I have seen it and can quote the entire movie while watching it... it's pretty sad :P

Some others that I love: "Robin Hood Men in Tights", "The Princess Bride", basically any Mel Brooks movie... I can go on and on....

Day 7: Four Books

Four Books... this is going to be a hard one.
The following are my all time favorites:

1. "The Secret Garden" by Frances Hodgson Burnett

2. "Sense and Sensibility" by Jane Austen

3. "Jesus Freaks: Martyrs: Stories of Those Who Stood for Jesus" by Dc Talk

4.  "The Blue Castle" by L.M. Montgomery

There are many others on my "all time favorites list" but these are the first that come to mind. :)

Catch Up: Days 4, 5 & 6

Day 4: Seven Wants

1.  At the moment: the beach with a beach chair, umbrella, book and a tall glass of sweet tea

2.  A bed and dining room table and chairs! :)

3.  My family and friends to be with me... that's been the hardest part of growing up and moving out

4.  Paid off loans!

5.  Mint chocolate chip ice cream

6.  A puppy

7.  A deep tissue massage

Day 5: Six Places

1.  Shelbyville, Michigan on my Aunt and Uncles Farm surrounded by family sitting in front of the bonfire roasting marshmallows, telling crazy stories and having deep meaningful conversations till 3am.  Some of my favorite memories are on that farm with my family.  Love you guys!

2.  College Park, Maryland.  Oh, how I miss you.  I miss all of the incredible memories there.  I changed so much there, for the better.  I became a better person through the people that I met there.  It will always hold a place in my heart.

3.  Baltimore Inner Harbor.  So so many memories with incredible people.

4.  Hanover, Maryland.  My home.  Perfect location between Baltimore, Annapolis and D.C.  I miss it and my family and friends being in arms reach.

5.  Annapolis, Maryland.  So many memories there as well.  Walking around DTA at 1am, getting caught in the rain and talking about Plebes.  Chick n Ruths and watching the sailboats on the water.

6.  Castle Rock, Colorado.  Even though I've only been there once, it stole my heart!  I love the scenery, my family and the location.  It's such a beautiful place and I hope one day my future family can settle there.

Day 6:  Five Foods

1.  Pizza, all kinds: Chicago Deep Dish, New York style, just about any combination, it is so versatile!

2.  Steak.  The best steak that I think I have ever had is at a restaurant in Wichita Falls (gasp) called Pasquals.  So juicy and flavorful.

3.  Sushi.  I just wish it wasn't so expensive!

4.  Filipino food.  'Nuff said

5.  I love trying new food... :)

Day 3: Eight Fears

I'll just cut to the chase with this one:

1.  SPIDERS

2.  Drowning... one reason why I wish I could swim better

3.  Having my house or the house of someone I care about broken into

4.  Getting in another accident

5.  Me or someone I love getting kidnapped

6.  Me or someone I love getting raped

7.  I know this is something I shouldn't worry about but sometimes I have bad dreams of not being able to have children of my own.

8.  Me or someone I love getting Alzheimers or some other degenerative brain disease

*I think I watched too much C.S.I. after looking at my list of fears...

Day 2: Nine Loves

Woot!  I'm actually on a roll here...haha

For my "Nine Loves" I am going to exclude the obvious (to me) loves of my life: God, Micah, my family and friends.  Also, the following list is definitely not all inclusive or in any particular order.

1.  Food.  And cooking it!  :) Especially trying new food/restaurants.

2.  Reading and books.  It might be an addiction.

3.  Laughing.  I love to laugh, especially to the point where your face hurts!

4.  Landscapes.  I haven't decided which one I like the best, but pretty much any landscape that takes my breath away whether it is the sea, mountains, an open field full of cows, a dramatic skyline.  I just love admiring them.

5.  Blogs!  I follow quiet a few...

6.  Airports, planes, flying, air shows... anything having to do with aviation.

7.  Fireflys!  One of my favorite parts of summer :)

8.  Museums.  One of my bucket list items is to visit every museum that exists (don't know if that is going to happen, but a girl can dream, right?)

9.  Hugs.  I love to hug and be hugged.  Especially ones that linger and make you smile.

That was fun and happy.  I might have to continue my list else where :) yay lists!

Ten Day "You" Challenge: Day 1

So I saw this on one of my friends blogs and thought it would be an interesting "challenge" to take on.  I also thought it would be fun to do something different for a little while.

10 Secrets:

Well, for one I don't think I have 10 secrets that no body knows about. I can pretty much think of at least 1 person that knows of all of my "secrets".  Anywho, I guess I'll put down some facts about me that not many people know about.

1. After my accident last May, I am overly paranoid about driving and have little (sometimes big) panic attacks every once in awhile.  It has been by God's Grace alone that I haven't had another accident... it has definitely taught me how to calm down when I'm by myself in a very stressful situation.  Sometimes I have flashbacks while driving or have visions of me getting in an even worse accident... not fun.

2.  I love making lists... I make many many lists.  Whether it's a "to do" list, grocery list, dream list, you name it, I've probably made it.  I have been making lists for as long as I've been able to write... even before that, I used to line up my crayons in a row after I was done using it (just ask my Dad, he has video proof).

3.  I am struggling a lot with where I am in my life right now, in regards to me being in the military.  I know God has me here for a reason and I have faith in that.  At this point, I see where my motivations for joining were not of God and for all the wrong reasons.  I don't believe I am "suffering the consequences" of it, but a part of me wonders what life would be like if I hadn't made it this far.  I know that in the end, it will all be for His Glory and not my own, which is all that matters in the first place.

4.  I think about death a lot.  Not in a suicidal way, which a former me used to have a lot of thoughts of, but wondering what life after this is going to be like.  Sometimes, I find myself praying that the Lord comes again soon so I don't have to experience death or more deaths of my friends and family.  I often wonder why I have experienced death so much in my young life, and I know I will only be experiencing more as I get older and especially as I meet more people.  I don't really have any words for how I feel about that...

5.  I have vivid memories of my childhood.  I am very thankful for this, as a lot of them involve my Mom.  Sometimes I dream about her and it's as if she's here, but then I wake up and sadly realize it was just a dream.  I often wonder what I would be like if the Lord hadn't taken her home.  I also wonder what she would be like and what our relationship would be.  I was so young when she died and there is so much I don't know about her.  My heart aches knowing that she won't be there to see me walk down the aisle or hold her first grandchild.  I know she would have made my wedding dress (she was very talented at sewing, baking, cooking, learning languages...).  I miss her. a lot.

6.  After my Grandma died last month (my Mom's Mom), that scar was ripped open again.  It feels as if my last connection with my Mom died with her.  I miss her, too.  Sometimes, I catch myself dialing her number to give her a call and realize that she isn't there anymore.  I can't bear to delete her number from my phone though.

7.  Since being on my own and "growing up", I have realized that sometimes you only have certain friends for a season.  People move on and move out and it's hard to keep in touch with everyone, even with technology.  At first, this was hard for me, but then I realize that sometimes, God gives you that person for that season of life and will bless you with another one in a different season.  Not that it's replacing that person, just adding to the people that I am fortunate enough to have known.

8.  (Okay, so this is really random and a different vein from my other "secrets" but I just realized a "secret" that probably no one knows about.)  I used to pick and eat my scabs when I was little.  Sometimes I still do (when I actually have them, I don't really get scabs anymore :P)  I know, gross.  I don't know what my problem is! haha

9.  Now that you are thoroughly disgusted... I really want to play the violin again.  I miss it, and want to get my violin all tuned up and start re-teaching myself!

10.  This isn't really a secret but... I can't wait for when God opens the door for me and Micah to start our life together :)

So now that I have run the gamut on this one... I hope to not be so depressing in my future posts.  Sorry! If you actually read all that... thank you :)

When I Need a Friend

One thing I've realized about myself once I started living on my own is how much I have grown to appreciate my "alone time".
I have also grown to appreciate weekends more than I ever have.  Especially more than when I was in college.  One thing that being an Aircraft Maintenance Officer guarantees is busyness, which definitely helps the week go by fast.
I believe one reason why I crave my "alone time" is for the sole reason that I already feel so alone.  I'm around people all day in class, we socialize, laugh, banter.  It's all good and fun.  But then everyone goes about their merry way once class is out until the next day.
I have found it so difficult to connect to people like I used to.  The only thing I can think of is lack of common interest.  
I always feel like I'm a million miles away.  Being a Christian, especially, in this career field has been very challenging.  I would rather be a missionary in a foreign country than ministering to my peers that are of similar age, walks of life, standard of living, career goals etc.

I miss having deep conversations, being silly and goofy without any shame.  I miss connections and refreshing conversations.  So many of the conversations here are incredibly shallow.  Drinking, partying, getting drunk, girls etc.  Blah.
My heart yearns for friendship.  My heart misses having someone to talk to on a daily basis.  I miss being silly and goofy.  I miss being myself.  I miss having friends only a phone call away.  I miss being able to call someone to hang out and being readily available.  I miss having the majority of my friends all in one area.
The Lord has been refining me in ways I had no idea was possible.  My heart of stone turning into a heart of flesh.  My eyes are constantly opened to the brokenness and sin of this world and the everlasting need for our Savior.
The Lord has been my constant companion.  My only friend out here.  Don't get me wrong, I love my Skype dates with my family and friends back home.  But it's just not the same, I miss feeling the warmth of a hug or sharing in peals of laughter, dancing in the hallways and being silly like no one else is around.
I think I find that being alone is easier, more comfortable.  I'm not sure if the Lord is telling me that I need to pursue those conversations with these people anyway.  Maybe this is God telling me that now is the time to be a light.  I am placing my candle under a bowl instead of letting it shine.  Maybe this is God telling me that He wants me to be His vessel for this broken place.  It still renders me speechless when I think of Him wanting to use me for His Kingdoms work.  A broken sinner, always crawling back to Him after falling over and over again.  However, He is always faithful in picking me up and cradling me in His arms.  My only Friend, my only Friend that loves me through my filth and sees the diamond underneath.  My only Friend that loves me unconditionally.  My only Friend that loves me with a pure heart.
Thank you, Jesus, for always being there when I feel all alone.  Help me to be strong when I feel so weak.  Help me be the hands and feet that You need to minister to the fallen.  Help me, Lord, to not fear.  Help me step out boldly instead of having my "alone time", at least be able to discern when it is okay to have my "alone time" instead of using it as an excuse to hide my light under the basket.

Soli Deo Gloria.  To God alone be the Glory.

Update

Just to let you all know, I haven't forgotten about my lovely blog.  Life... has been topsy turvy as of late.
I have had many things on my mind this past month:
Death
Life
Heaven
Contentment (or lack thereof)
My future
Longing
My Family and Friends
Maryland
Wishing I was anywhere but here
Praying for contentment and peace.

How I long to be content with where God has me right now.  I want to fast forward these next 4 years.  I have what so many people long for, which makes me feel so guilty because it is not my hearts desire to be where I am right now in regards to the military.  Don't get me wrong, I am honored to have a place in the Worlds most powerful Air Force, but in my humble opinion, it is nothing like I imagined it would be.

I will talk about that some more later, but right now I have to start brushing up on some maintenance powerpoints and AFI's.
To be continued...