So I saw this on one of my friends blogs and thought it would be an interesting "challenge" to take on. I also thought it would be fun to do something different for a little while.
10 Secrets:
Well, for one I don't think I have 10 secrets that no body knows about. I can pretty much think of at least 1 person that knows of all of my "secrets". Anywho, I guess I'll put down some facts about me that not many people know about.
1. After my accident last May, I am overly paranoid about driving and have little (sometimes big) panic attacks every once in awhile. It has been by God's Grace alone that I haven't had another accident... it has definitely taught me how to calm down when I'm by myself in a very stressful situation. Sometimes I have flashbacks while driving or have visions of me getting in an even worse accident... not fun.
2. I love making lists... I make many many lists. Whether it's a "to do" list, grocery list, dream list, you name it, I've probably made it. I have been making lists for as long as I've been able to write... even before that, I used to line up my crayons in a row after I was done using it (just ask my Dad, he has video proof).
3. I am struggling a lot with where I am in my life right now, in regards to me being in the military. I know God has me here for a reason and I have faith in that. At this point, I see where my motivations for joining were not of God and for all the wrong reasons. I don't believe I am "suffering the consequences" of it, but a part of me wonders what life would be like if I hadn't made it this far. I know that in the end, it will all be for His Glory and not my own, which is all that matters in the first place.
4. I think about death a lot. Not in a suicidal way, which a former me used to have a lot of thoughts of, but wondering what life after this is going to be like. Sometimes, I find myself praying that the Lord comes again soon so I don't have to experience death or more deaths of my friends and family. I often wonder why I have experienced death so much in my young life, and I know I will only be experiencing more as I get older and especially as I meet more people. I don't really have any words for how I feel about that...
5. I have vivid memories of my childhood. I am very thankful for this, as a lot of them involve my Mom. Sometimes I dream about her and it's as if she's here, but then I wake up and sadly realize it was just a dream. I often wonder what I would be like if the Lord hadn't taken her home. I also wonder what she would be like and what our relationship would be. I was so young when she died and there is so much I don't know about her. My heart aches knowing that she won't be there to see me walk down the aisle or hold her first grandchild. I know she would have made my wedding dress (she was very talented at sewing, baking, cooking, learning languages...). I miss her. a lot.
6. After my Grandma died last month (my Mom's Mom), that scar was ripped open again. It feels as if my last connection with my Mom died with her. I miss her, too. Sometimes, I catch myself dialing her number to give her a call and realize that she isn't there anymore. I can't bear to delete her number from my phone though.
7. Since being on my own and "growing up", I have realized that sometimes you only have certain friends for a season. People move on and move out and it's hard to keep in touch with everyone, even with technology. At first, this was hard for me, but then I realize that sometimes, God gives you that person for that season of life and will bless you with another one in a different season. Not that it's replacing that person, just adding to the people that I am fortunate enough to have known.
8. (Okay, so this is really random and a different vein from my other "secrets" but I just realized a "secret" that probably no one knows about.) I used to pick and eat my scabs when I was little. Sometimes I still do (when I actually have them, I don't really get scabs anymore :P) I know, gross. I don't know what my problem is! haha
9. Now that you are thoroughly disgusted... I really want to play the violin again. I miss it, and want to get my violin all tuned up and start re-teaching myself!
10. This isn't really a secret but... I can't wait for when God opens the door for me and Micah to start our life together :)
So now that I have run the gamut on this one... I hope to not be so depressing in my future posts. Sorry! If you actually read all that... thank you :)
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